Keign's Bag of Spare Words

New CD

2007-06-01T02:43:13Z

So I bought Snow Patrol's newest (I think) CD while I was at Wal-mart today. Eyes Open, it's called. I like it.
I also bought chicken while I was at Wal-mart, and it's delicious. But that's not what this is about.
This is about Snow Patrol - I really really think I honestly can claim to like a band again. You see, it's been a while since I've been able to find a band and say "Yeah, I like their music." For a while it's been more like "Yeah, I like that song, but everything else they play is crap."
So I'm glad. I can buy albums again. The music sounds good, AND the lyrics almost always strike a note with my heart. Yay and stuff. :)

Rain

2007-05-30T00:06:42Z

It rained today.
Rain does strange things me - to my thoughts.
The first drops fall, and I dodge them. I don't know why, it's instincy. When it starts it sparks a bit of hope, too - I'd love for it to rain heavily. If I'm under a leak, I stand to the side and slap droplets out of the air as they fall. Am I trying to train my reaction time? Why?
If the rain gets heavier, it makes me simultaneously happy and depressed. My mind transforms the landscape into a romantic film or something, where everything turns out giddily for everyone involved except that one asshole that nobody likes anyway. Maybe I'm that asshole. But the rain makes me feel like I should be the protagonist. There never seems to be a female lead willing to play her part, though. That spark of imagining a kiss in the rain is quite compelling, though.
I'm fighting the urge to go walk through the rain to her house. I don't think I will - I'm a bit too much of a coward for that. But if I did, part of me hopes her heart would suddenly soften, and she might let me closer to her. Because of the rain.
Does the rain make her feel this way too? I hope so. But I dare not test it.

Well, that's better.

2007-05-14T02:12:18Z

The bad possibilities won! She decided to break the relationship. Again.
Oh, well, it doesn't matter I suppose. It was mostly in my head anyway, wasn't it?
*shrug*
Now to find someone else to be attracted to... or maybe I'll just be bored for a while.

Tch...

2007-05-06T03:57:56Z

DAMNIT. I have no idea what is going on in this girl's head.
She was the one that brought up the idea. Trying to "reconcile" for the fact that she was going to prom, and I, well, couldn't? Hah, theoretically I could have, actually, but the notice was rather short for me. So she said 'want to eat dinner with me and Audrey before prom?'
Well yeah, I'm all over that idea. I'd get to see her all dressed up for prom, at least, and spending time with her makes me ridiculously happy. Tch.
But it just didn't happen. No contact from either of them to tell me where or when to meet them for it. Maybe it was just an idea she was putting out there, and she forgot to bring it up with Audrey. I did try to call her, and mentioned it online too, earlier today. Ugh, I am way too attached. The more this stuff happens the more it seems to me that most of this attraction is heavily one-sided. If she does like me at all, it doesn't seem to be much. Comparatively, at the least.
I don't know why this is driving me so crazy, either. It's just one thing, maybe it just didn't work out in the day. But she could have at least gotten word to me, somehow.. acknowledged that I was planning on it, looking forward to it. And now here I am, all upset with... something. I don't even know what.
Maybe I'm just being pissy because I don't feel as well as is normal. *sigh*
... I wish I could feel like I mean as much to her as she does to me... or if I don't. I want to know where we stand, but she's constantly shifting her behavior, I can't get a good feel for it, and on nights like this my pessimism takes over.

Math and Melodies

2007-03-10T02:49:07Z

So today I decided to take advantage of the fact that I now reside within walking distance of a Cinemark movie theater. After a bit of asking for suggestions from friends and debate with myself, I decided to waste money and go see two very different films: Music and Lyrics, and The Number 23.

Now, the first movie depressed me, because it's a romantic comedy and it only served to remind me of how life NEVER works out the way we want it to. I still caught myself laughing/smiling with and for the characters though, because it was just a good movie like that. I'd recommend it to somebody who enjoys music, in particular, because it's neat like that, and apparently based on a true story, of sorts, which is always cool.

Then I left the theater and headed to the Coldstone creamery that is about 20 yards away from the Cinemark. I ate some delicious ice cream while I waited for 2:10, and then went to watch The Number 23.
My brain is still on the fritz from that movie. The game of turning things into 23 is one that I find horribly addictive, and as I was walking home I could do nothing but turn license plate numbers, building addresses, speed limit signs and everything else into 23 in one way or another. It is also just a plain good movie if you enjoy being pulled along. There are no places where it really just 'slows down' where you fill in the mental gaps by figuring out the ending before it happens. No, it eats you alive and then at the end you're just kind of like, "Oh, shit! OF COURSE THAT'S IT!"
Good movie. I command one and all to go, see, and become intrigued by the 23 Enigma.

So now I'm home again, and the only thing that I think could've really made today a better day would've been some friends to share it with, or better yet... well, that's just obvious.

The everything test

2007-03-05T21:25:56Z

The Everything Test

There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.

Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)

Personality

You are more logical than emotional, more concerned about self than concerned about others, more atheist than religious, more loner than dependent, more workaholic than lazy, more traditional than rebel, more engineering mind than artistic mind, more cynical than idealist, more leader than follower, and more extroverted than introverted.

As for specific personality traits, you are adventurious (100%), intellectual (87%), romantic (86%), musical (67%).

Stereotypes
Old Geezer	83%
Punk Rock	67%
White Trash	50%

Life Experience
Sex	35%
Substances	3%
Travel	6%

Politics
Your political views would best be described as Liberal, whom you agree with around 55% of the time.

Socioeconomic
Your attitude toward life best associates you with Working Class. You make more than 0% of those who have taken this test, and 42% less than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated PG-13.
By the way, your hottness rank is 62%, hotter than 88% of other test takers.

TAKE THE TEST
brought to you by thatsurveysite

My life is broken

2007-02-12T05:30:50Z

Or at least, more broken than it was before...

Over the past year.. yeah, since I've turned 18, it seems as though a lot of shit has happened, to the point that seems like more than should be expected.

My grandmother died. My favorite sister has a tumor in her brain stem, that the doctors all say will kill her. My best friend since we were in kindergarten got a head injury playing football, and now, as far as I know, he's been made retarded.

Aside from my loved ones falling like flies, what few 'romantic hopes' I had for some girls have been dashed, twice. Worse, with the second girl it seems to be breaking our friendship down into nothing as well.

Also, I left the church that I was raised in, which would be a perfectly good thing to me, if it weren't for all of the changes in behavior it's caused from my parents. I want to mutter about 'unfairness', as they seem to be more harsh towards me - the kid that was arguably more obedient than my older brothers and sisters ever were - than they were towards my siblings who did worse things than I ever have. Then again, I suppose that's somewhat my fault for behaving so well, making them think I'd do exactly what they want of me my entire life...
Yeah, no, I'm still pretty irked by the harshness they're treating me with.

On the plus side, I do have friends, if not many, and I also have enough money to get the hell out from under the parental persecution cloud.

I'll survive, but I really don't like the way this year turned out.

Oh, and my 19th birthday is sneaking up on me. March 2. I can't imagine anyone is even going to get me gifts, though... sad.

Type of seducer, eh?

2007-01-26T03:31:07Z

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.

You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?

You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

Interesting...

2007-01-26T03:08:58Z

Well, for me, at least. Today was, I mean. I'll review:

Was woken by my mom about 5 am, asking if I want to go to the gym with her again, as I did two days back. I said no, as for some reason I was uncomfortable working out publicly, and my body really really didn't want to wake up right then. Plus, I can get back into shape just by doing exercises on my own, right? It'd be better muscle-tone-wise that way anyway. Not that I'm actually exercising at home, mind you, but I'm certainly able to convince myself that I will when I'm tired.

So then I went back to sleep, and woke up at about 9, still tired for some reason but not so much that I couldn't force myself up. I did the hygienic morning rituals as usual and headed upstairs to my computer, as I don't have anything good or important to do otherwise. I note, for the first time as far as you know, that I need a driver's license, and a job; if only to get out of this house more than once a day. I checked up on things, read the book I'd borrowed from the library the day before - Mister Monday, by Garth Nix - and ate up time with The Sims 2. Yup, that's pretty much my daily life right now - sleep, eat, read, and play computer games.

And then it got to 2 pm, so I draped my trench coat over my shoulders and walked the, say... 20 minute walk up to the community center. There are two main reasons I do this, the first is that the community center is where the library is, so I can return and check out fresh books, and the second is the girls. Not to say that attractive girls randomly run around topless at the community center, of course, though that'd be interesting as well. No, simply put, high school gets out at 2:30-ish and I've got a pair of friends that I walk home. (Were they male it is very unlikely that I'd bother to do this.)

I suppose a bit of history is in order, here. One of these girls, whom I met at the high school they both attend, and met her first, is the reason that I broke up with a girlfriend of 2 years. (We actually considered ourselves fiance and fiancee at the time, but seeing as how that went absolutely nowhere beyond lovey-dovey talk, I tend to omit it.) Not that I cheated on the girlfriend, though, I just realized that I cared more, and was more attracted to, this friend, (whom I shall call A from now on for a sort of clarity,) than I was or possibly ever had been when it came to the girlfriend. So I broke that in an interesting way that I'll probably rant about in some later posting.

A had a boyfriend - the kind she had to keep secret from her parents, but I'd known about him - who she chose over me, so that went nowhere anyway. Oh well, stupid me, out one girlfriend and probably stuck perpetually in the friend zone with A.
The second girl I met walking A home - when I started doing it, I was blaming her choosing the other guy over me on the fact that he got to spend more time in real life with her than I did, so I magically arranged my library trips to fit with her getting out of school. Ooh, I'm creepy, aren't I? - and she is A's best friend. I will call her E. We got along quite well, the flirting progressed normally, but the only time we got to properly hang out was at A's Halloween party. (That went great, but I think it started the decline.)

We had both made it clear at this point that we liked each other, and for some reason she started to question the point of me asking her out. Or maybe I sort of did, or other people did, or something insane like that, for some reason I don't quite recall how it happened, but I ended up asking her if she'd go out with me. Apparently using such phrasing scared her, and she thought about it all too much over the weekend, managing to convince herself that she wasn't yet ready for a relationship, and that she was too busy to manage to have one anyway. So things got smashed back to square one. Actually, smashed back a square negative, as she seemed afraid walk next to me on the trips home, as if I just wouldn't be able to help myself from wrapping an arm around her. (My self control isn't quite that limited.)

I stopped walking them home for a while, seeing as how I seemed to make E so uncomfortable. I did get her a Christmas present though, but since I didn't see her often anymore, she only got it.. two days ago. School has been in for a few weeks, but three days ago we talked online, and she seemed so much back to normal that the next day I caught the walk home again, and I've continued that.

After that first time, though, she doesn't seem to want to talk to me online, which for some reason bothers me a lot. We're both online so much that it seems stupid to have her ignoring me.

So, back to today - I terrorized her about that. Probably wasn't a good idea, and stupidly enough it could have scared her back to her more 'avoid him avoid him avoid him' mode. At this point I can only hope she just decides to start talking to me online, or at least that she won't get more distant. Tch.

So right, interesting. Finished the book a few minutes ago, so I'll go get Grim Tuesday tomorrow, and see how things are shaping up.

... while I'm posting, I'll point out that advice/berating/jokes are encouraged. I'll take it all with a spoonful of salt anyway.

The All-Powerful First Entry

2007-01-25T00:33:15Z

So I'm supposed to make a journal entry, eh? Well, I suppose that is what I created this account for. Seems awfully silly though, since I have so many other places I can say whatever I want to say. Ooh ooh, I could even type the crap up in Word and save it, seeing as how nobody else is likely to feel the compulsion to read it. Hell, I don't even have a compulsion to read it, I just have the urge to write it, so I do.

And that's it. Sorry for being so antagonistic about it, I just don't have anything off the top of my head to spew out. It'll get better, I promise. ;)